Alternatives

Have you been led on but now...

 ...he's 'sorting things out?'
or
...he just 'needs time?'

Well, then.

Who needs this?

When you have this!

I ain't even mad.

A Strange Game

From the 1983 movie "WarGames"

     I'll always believe this. You can't win by fighting or scheming. You can't win by expecting the other person to lose. No, the one who truly wins is the one who doesn't play.

     It doesn't just involve people. I think this applies to anything that causes you anguish. There's multiple things that we find ourselves not being able stay with or leave. It's just a state of being caught. There's nothing else there except fighting not to get hurt, having something to prove, or trying to find validation. You can't beat it. Ultimately, you just have to get up and leave.

    You win by moving on. You win when you can look back and not be affected. You win when that whole scenario becomes irrelevant to your current life. You win when, maybe, you don't even remember it that well.

     The only winning move is not to play.

Round Two

     It seems as though I just briefly relived my last shitty relationship. At least this time, I smartened up and got out in about four months as opposed to two years.

     That being said, I don't think people develop trust issues when the first person screws them over, I think it's always when the second person does. Because the first time, you can just attribute it to that one person. You think, "Oh, it's that guy. He was just an awful guy." Then you naively go out into the world with all this confidence thinking almost every other guy will want to bundle you up and show you everything you deserve. And that's when you learn the hard way that no one is going to protect you. It's not only going to be that one guy that lets you down, it's going to be a lot of them. So toughen up, princess.

    Yeah, I know I sound cynical and bitter. I so am. I'm young and that whole lecture, I know. Give me some time and I'm sure it'll wear off.

I've Been There

     Where you are, I've been there, too. I don't have the words to make it better, all I can say is I know what it looks like - I've seen it in the mirror. This time I don't have any advice. I just want you to know that I've been there. And whether or not it still shows on our faces, so have the rest of us.

     We all want to feel like we have something - we can't name it or describe it, but we search for it in the faces of everyone from newly introduced strangers to our closest family and friends. We look for a smile, a laugh, or even the simplest nod of understanding. We have to know that there's something about us that makes others feel drawn to us. Heck, we all just want to be liked.

     I've been in that spot where it feels like I don't have anything. I've been there. I know what it feels like to feel like you're just one in a crowd. It's worse than being disliked or hated. In that case, at least you're something. Like I said, I don't have any advice. The best I can do is assure you that, without doubt, I've felt that before. I've been there, too.

20,000 Strong

     I was at work today and I needed to convert inches to millimeters so I googled "metric conversions." I found a site that worked and I got my conversions. Feeling content, I was about to click out of it when I saw the "like us on facebook!" button. I was like, "Seriously? The only thing you do here is input numbers and hit enter." What kind of people are behind their computers thinking, "Metric conversions?! Hell yeah!" So I was leaned back in my chair having a little chuckle at the idea when I saw just how many people had actually liked metric-conversions.org. It was 20,000. They are 20,000 strong.

I'm Awkward; It Can't Be Helped

     I'm such a 12-year-old girl when it comes to cute guys. At work last week there was this handsome fellow from sales being friendly and talking to me down in the basement and I'm sure I was just smiling like a dork happy to be there. Well, he offered me zucchini bread later so maybe it wasn't as tragic as I originally thought. You don't just hand out zucchini bread. But anyways he'll make his smooth little comments like "Nice to see you again, Katie. Maybe they could get you some windows down here, you know?" and smile so charmingly and I'm just like, "uh, ha... windows." Face palm!

Well, hey, I'm in the engineering crowd. I'm allowed to be awkward!

Right?
Haha.
I hope that flies.

Screw That and Screw You

One day I just decided to be that girl. You know, the one who doesn't put up with bullshit. I decided I had the whole world in front of me and I decided to stop wasting my time. I got mad and I got up off the floor and I left. After all that time, I really did it - I just left.

I wasn't always that girl. I used to stick around because I couldn't imagine anything different. I was scared to get pissed and start running because I honestly thought I'd somehow regret leaving him behind.

Are you kidding me?

How could I ever think that?

Hell.

I don't know.

At least now I'm that girl that can straight up leave. It doesn't matter if I wasn't for quite some time - heck, give me a break, I did finally close the door. And from then on, I became that chick who can wholeheartedly say, "screw that and screw you."

It Never Happened

It's like he doesn't exist anymore.

 I don't know how that happened. I spent two years with the guy and I can't remember a single thing about him. 

The weird thing is that I'm always the type to remember everything.

 Somehow, though, I've been blessed with this gigantic flaw in memory.

No more uneasiness.

It's like the past belongs to someone else now.

I'm new.

It never happened.

Out of site, out of mind, right?

Letter to the Yearbook

     "Where am I?" 

     It's a question I have to ask myself from time to time. On a good day, I know my physical location, but this question, hopefully, is more involved; I have to pause, think about who I am today, and wonder, "how did I get here?" At first I'm tempted to congratulate myself for following my dreams, believing in myself, and never giving up – but I soon get over that. It's taken a few years for the light bulb to go off, but now I understand what really got me through.

      I realized that our "thank you" goes out to our families, friends, and teachers. And when those simple words aren't enough, we go further to share our most genuine smiles, our longest hugs, and our most unregulated fits of joy with the people who got us through. After all, when life seemed flat, they added fizz – precisely that, along with ideas, laughter, and values. Still, we can't forget the times when people were just there for us, too. There were rough patches, undoubtedly, and those closest to us simply stayed on the phone longer or gave us their ice cream. It's wild how they don't even know how much that meant to us – how much they mean to us. May we be lucky enough to keep these people in our lives. May we never forget what got us through – or, more truthfully, who.

Starring Role

Wouldn't it be ideal if people either wanted you or they didn't?

I never realized a person could string you along...

...even though they are only halfway there.

There's too many shades of grey.

Oh wow.

I was never prepared for this one.

The Power of Vulnerability

I saw this about a year ago.

It changed the way I think and live.

Blame it on my A.D.D, baby..

Love the guy's voice.

It's kind of destructive.

I like it.

The Augusteum

"I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic, after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me to not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough--but tomorrow I could be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation." -Elizabeth Gilbert

  Everything changed. Everything is changing. Everything will change.

Isn't it wild?

The Greatest Irony of Life

"Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just for past times, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. Here’s a piece of advice: let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn’t enough and move on when things are not like before. There is someone out there who will love you even more, surely then, you will know true love." -Unknown

When I say, "I Love You"

"When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman." -Joss Whedon

Volcano - Cover by Phillip Phillips

This is sort of eerie, actually.

But I love this blues/jazz -ish version.

It really encompasses the whole feeling of the song.

Ah, and that voice...

Krochet Kids Hats

"Every hat carries with it the signature of the woman who crocheted it"

"You have a powerful opportunity to encourage, instill confidence, and further empower women around the globe that are rewriting their futures."

If you want a purchase you can feel good about

then I would recommend shopping at this non-profit organization.

It's a simple thing, really.

Just a hat.

Basically these women in impoverished countries are trained to make these hats (sustainability) and sell them in order to support themselves. They are paid fairly and able to become financially independent.

This is the hat I just bought. 
It was around $25 dollars + shipping
So, a little more than I thought I'd pay for a hat, but I'd rather spend a few extra to have something I feel really good about, even if it's just a little thing.

Regardless,

I'm excited to get it in the mail and see who made it. :)

Go and get one, too, if you can :)

Use the code "KINGSMEN" to get a 10% discount!

www.krochetkids.org

Somebody That I Used to Know #2

I'm still caught up on the song I posted about last.

I really like it.

But now it's making me not only sad, but also mad at the same time.

It's frustrating to me because it's about a guy who doesn't care much about some girl, but he's mad at her for moving on. 

The more I listen to it, the more complicated it gets. 

Then again, those are my favorite kind of songs.

Hardly anything is black and white.

A good song takes a risk and dives into the grey area of life

...or shows the feelings we can't quite describe ourselves.

Somebody That I Used To Know - Goyte

"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.."

Isn't it weird how quickly people come into and out of your life?

Or isn't it kind of scary?

It just gets me thinking about the people I'm close to now. 

A few years from now, will we even know each other?

Getting rid of clothes, shoes, and junk

I'm getting a little bit better at getting rid of stuff I don't really need. Or use.

My first step has been to stop buying junk. And that's tough. I'm not a "shopaholic" - I just pick up a few knick knacks here and there because they're cute, or cheap. But what ends up happening is I can't take care of my things because I don't really care much about 80% of them. Therefore, my space gets pretty messy.

Also, I realized I can sell my junk and buy something I actually want. For example, if I sell 10-15 shirts that "I might wear" then I can buy a shirt that I really, really like. I've been taking things to second hand shops and I'll probably have a garage sale this summer.

And honestly, I wouldn't even miss most of the stuff that I have. The more stuff I get rid of, the more I appreciate what I actually like. There's less clothes waded up on the floor, because the clothes I have now are the ones I would hate to see damaged or wrinkled.

I've also gotten over the fact that people are going to see me wearing the same thing more than once every two weeks. If you can get over this, then you start going for quality, not quantity. Personally, I think it helps clear your head a bit to have less stuff. It's just less chaotic.

Plus, hey now, it's sort of fun to have a cute little attachment to your only pair of sandals or that belt that goes with everything. I like to find that one thing that will hold up for me, instead of twenty that I have to interchange so they won't fall apart. I'd like to buy one shirt from Calvin Klein that I'll wear a lot, instead of five from Forever 21 that I can only wear/wash once, maybe twice.

That's just how I've changed a bit recently. I'm trying to appreciate the things I already have instead of buying more. I was just about to buy another bracelet at Macys yesterday, just for kicks, but then I looked down at my wrist and thought, "well heck, I already kinda like this one."

I'm still working on it, but I think that's progress.

Miss Me Jeans

I've never had a pair of jeans that I've felt so relaxed in. 

Like initially, some of the fancy detailing on the pockets sort of turned me off to the brand, but my sister suggested I buy a pair anyways.

Best thing ever. Everyone needs a pair of jeans that they couldn't live without.

If you feel good in your jeans, then you're going to have a pretty good day. Right?

Like I've fallen alseep in these things before and it's completely fine. I can't explain the way they feel.... it's sort of like the fabric is sturdy and durable, but also flexible. Eh?

Now, I tend to just buy the Miss Me jeans that aren't completely "be-dazzled" but I've embraced a little bit of their flowers, sequence, and other designs.

What I'm trying to say is that I love these jeans even though they are sort of outside my usual preference for simple or more down-to-earth designs.

Oh, and they hold up well and are definitely worth the price.

Save cash for a good pair of jeans. Just stay away from Starbucks and other various little expenditures for awhile if need be.You'll thank yourself.

Miss Me Jeans Website

Hmmm can anyone else write a short novel about their favorite pair of jeans, or is that just me?

Oh gosh, haha, I hope there's others...

The Bergamot performs 'The Traveler'

Seriously, her voice is awesome.

Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin Eye Makeup Remover Liquid

It's cheap, it feels good, and it works like a dream.

Just get some cotton balls.

I'm pretty sure you can buy it at almost any drugstore, too. I've been using it for about a year now and it's perfection in a bottle. If you want your makeup off in like 2 seconds and then want to have a great feeling afterwards, I'd go grab it now.

Here's more info: Natural Origin Eye Makeup Remover Liquid

*on a slightly humorous side note, I almost left out the word "makeup" in this blog post title.... oh, god forbid.

The Bergamot

This duo is from my hometown :) Thought I'd share!

Website: The Bergamot

Adele's "Someone Like You" at the 2011 British Music Awards

This is by far my favorite song and favorite performance. Her face, her music, her words are like a diary. It's genuine, and that's what makes it amazing. 

What Adele has to say about writing this song...

"“Someone Like You” is the last song on the record and it was—uhm, again, I guess I got a little—when I was writing it, I was feeling—pretty miserable and pretty lonely. Which again, kind of I guess contradicts ”Rolling in the Deep” where I was like ‘I’m gonna’ be fine, without you.’ This one was me kind of—on my knees, really. That—that relationship; the entire record is about—that it’s really, summed up in “Someone Like You”, that has changed me, in a really good way. It kind of, really made me, who I am—the moment and I’m sure there’ll be a number of relationships—well I hope so, anyway—that helps change me and defines me, as well.  

I can imagine, being about forty and looking for him, again and turning up being settled; he has a beautiful wife and some beautiful kids and he’s completely happy—and I’m, still on my own. That’s kind of—it’s kind of about that." - Adele